haolehothead | [Post-Timeloop]

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- game: tabula rasa

[Post-Timeloop] - for Rachel

The truth is, Danny hasn't really been avoiding anyone. He's been a lot quieter and subdued ever since his little trip back to Oahu with Steve, but he's still going to work. He still makes cracked jokes and he still gets slightly dramatic, but overall, he's quieter because every time he settles and can think, he remembers the gunshot and the feeling of nothingness.

He realizes, belatedly, that Rachel is going to start thinking he's an avoidant asshole, so he makes sure to bake a couple rounds of cookies before heading to her place, knocking lightly on the door.

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Rachel's noticed that Danny's been absent, but she hasn't actually been offended by it, for once. Between moving her shit out and living her life, she's been as busy as a person gets around here.

"Clearly you missed my change of address form," she jokes as she walks up behind him. "But if those are cookies, I'm still taking them."

Danny glances over his shoulder, a frown practically plastered on his face as he takes in the fact that he's been so absent that he hasn't even noticed that she's moved out. "What the hell do you mean? Where'd you go?"

"I am shacking up with the cowboy like a big girl," she says, threading an arm around his waist. "All official like. Still going to keep this place as a safety net, but still. Impressed?"

Danny's brows raise up, but he refrains from commenting straight away. Hell, half the reason is because he's too tired to muster up the energy to make a joke. "So, you and the cowboy, finally?" he finally gets out. "Yeah, Rach, I am impressed. Who made the final call?"

"I did, but he agreed right away. It was very low drama," she says, twisting to get a better look at him.

"I expected more flailing. What's up with you? You look shitty."

"Nothing's the matter, fuck, okay?" he gets out, hoarse and a bit pissed off, which isn't fair because Rachel hasn't done anything to him. He's just trying to shake off a bad mood that's taking a long time to brush away. "I'm glad you two are finally getting it together. He propose, yet?"

Okay, yeah, Rachel knows an attempt to change the subject when she sees one. Especially from him.

"Okay, seriously? Danny are you okay? I mean, I guess you don't have to talk about it but just so we're on the same page here. I can tell something's wrong."

Danny pushes a hand over his forehead, only stopping at the hairline when he doesn't want to mess up his hair even more than it is. "I'm...I'm, fuck, I don't know," he admits, feeling raw. "The other day, I woke up and I was back in Oahu. Don't ask me how, I just was."

"Right, okay," she breathes, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to sit on her porch. "I thought you already did that? The going home thing? It seems too early to do it again."

As much as there are ever rules or a schedule in this place.

"Yeah, I don't know," he admits as he wanders to the edge of the porch to offer her the cookies. "Except this wasn't a normal kind of thing. This was more like the day repeating itself over and over. And not the day, just a set of hours."

"Ugh, Christ," she moans, stuffing half a cookie in her mouth. "I've heard of that. What did it do? Was it really bad?"

Danny takes a deep breath to try and force himself to go back and relive any of this. "Well, we went back to September 20th, 2010. Which isn't much of a day until you consider that it's the day that Steve's Dad died."

"God, fuck this place," she hisses, spitting cookie bits in her anger. "Is Steve okay? What the hell happened?"

Danny takes slow breaths to make sure his panic doesn't overwhelm. He nods his head appraisingly. "He says he's coping. So, you know, I have no idea whether he is or not." Meanwhile, Danny's not doing so hot. He can't even wake up in the morning without having to check for his own damn heartbeat.

"Okay, and what about you? I mean did you guys see him? Steve's dad?" she presses, pretty sure there's a reason Danny looks shaky and still basically like shit.

"Yeah. Three times," Danny concurs, rubbing the forehead above his eyes compulsively -- again and again. "The first time, Steve couldn't stop it and John died. The third time, Hesse died and Steve got to save the day and make everything go right. Hell, he even got to hear his old man say 'I love you'."

"And what about the second time?" she asks, reaching out to still his hand. "Danny, look at me."

Danny is tired, already, but he lets Rachel grasp at his hand. He feels sick just to think about it, but he knows that she needs to know at some point. "The second time, I died," he says, which is simple enough.

Rachel just...she doesn't even compute. That doesn't even compute. Her grip goes slack around his wrist as her mouth works.

"What do you mean?" she manages, voice a hoarse whisper. "You're not...what do you mean?"

"I mean that on the second go around," he says, voice hoarse and he thinks he might just cry. He's not a weak man, but he is an emotional one and this is pretty goddamn emotional as far as things go. "Hesse put a gun to my head and shot me. Dead."

"But," she splutters, lip trembling as her breath comes harsh and quick. She stands up, pacing a little before staring back down. "He killed you?" she croaks out.

He's fine, she knows that, but she knows how real it is when the island does this. You feel everything. You'd feel yourself dying.

Danny pinches the brow of his nose as he stares up at Rachel past his fingers, letting out a weary exhalation. "Yeah. Yeah, he did. We woke up again and Steve, god, Steve, you should have seen his face. I don't want to be the man that breaks him like that."

"Are you...okay?" she asks, a few tears slipping out. It's clear he's okay but she can't help but ask and look. Look at his head that is still clearly intact but...he died. Her hands are shaking but she still reaches for him, hand balling in the fabric stretched across his shoulder.

Danny takes a slow breath and shrugs, considering that he's not even sure. He lets her grasp at him and while normally he'd try to convince her that he's fine, he's just too exhausted to do that. "I'm not sure I'm coping well, but I'm here."

She can't even say anything else. She just collapses back down on the porch, wrapping herself around him, burying her face in his hot neck. Her hands clench at his shirt as her legs trap him in.

Danny's practically shaking himself, by this point, hugging her back because she's left him no other option. That's all he can do and he lets out a choked sound as he murmurs her name and holds her tight. "Hey. Hey, I'm right here."

"You can't die," she forces out, face still smashed against his neck. "What the fuck? I hate this place. Did it hurt?"

"Trust me," Danny snaps back hoarsely. "It's not like I went into that day, that second day, whatever the hell it was, thinking 'oh, hey, I guess today's the day I want to die.' And yeah, of course it hurt, it was a bullet to my brain. I ached for days from it."

"Oh my God," she moans, pulling away just enough to press her palm against the side of his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I just thought you were busy."

"I was," Danny says with a rueful smirk. "I was busy being a slob in bed with the dog and not letting anyone except Steve near me while I sulked all day, every day."

"I'm sorry," she repeats in a small voice. "I'm glad you're not dead...I just. What does Steve say about all this?"

Danny takes his time to stroke his fingers through her hair, still feeling more than a little wary of all of this, not sure, exactly, how to cope. "I don't really know how he's doing. He's being Steve about it. He freaked out when it happened, but he's been so steady since. So, you know...Steve."

"Both our guys are like that," she murmurs, pushing into his hand. "I think sometimes Raylan feels like he can't change something so he just shoves it down. You and I aren't really so good at that."

"I am extremely bad at shoving things down," Danny agrees with a knowing look, like he might just explode like a volcano if he pushes things too far. "I mean, hell, the only reason I'm not bursting with this crap is that I don't actually know how I feel about any of it."

"I don't really think there's a handbook for any of this," she points out. "People usually stay dead. Well..not here I guess. Are you pissed?"

"Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm kinda pissed. I'm especially pissed because the guy who killed me has a clone here, so I wander by him half the time. That's not exactly normal, that's more one of those things where I get really, really angry," he says emphatically. "Plus, I died!"

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[Post-Timeloop] - for Rachel

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