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There's a couple of nice things that Danny appreciates about the world suddenly turning to desert and dust. For one, he gets to sleep without the sound of waves keeping him until the early hours of the morning. Plus, he gets to wear some amazing clothes and he's got a gun on him. He's just grateful to be practicing his accuracy once more, seeing as it's been a while and he'd started to get worried.

As it stands, he's working on putting together dinner for when Steve gets home -- just a simple vegetable stew and some beef that he's picked up from the Compound since there is no way in hell that he's looking a gift cow in the mouth, so to speak. With the heat rising from his small stove, he inches towards the door, kicking it open to let some of the steam out, giving Zulu a warning look as he pokes a wooden spoon in the dog's direction. "You even think about running and I'm letting Steve take you for a five-miler."

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"I can't let it go, though. I... I feel like they're waiting for me, somewhere. I mean, Mike believed that. That we'd all be together again, after we leave this place. And I guess that's crazy, but I kind of believe it, too. So, it feels kind of like a lie, being with somebody else, but I can't just... not live my life, when I don't even know how long I'm gonna have to wait," I admit, feeling a twist of guilt in my gut.

"He's... he's kind of great. I mean, he's fucked up, too. About his leg, mostly. It's bad, right now. The fuckin' island's changed his prosthetic into this awful wooden leg. He was all bruised up and bloody, yesterday, from walkin' on it."

"Best advice I can give you about the thing, the 'together again' thing," Danny says, waving the spoon in slow circles in the air, "is that you should be honest with Tunny. You should tell him that you still love them, that you still feel like that. Communication works both ways, babe, so do relationships. Give and take," he emphasizes, "I hear that helps."

"Have you talked to whats-his-face, our resident tech-genius?" Danny suggests. "I mean, maybe the island's changed things, but it doesn't mean we have to live with what we're handed. What kind of society would we be, then?"

"I have. I mean, we talked about it yesterday. He seemed okay. Like he understood, you know? Or at least as much as he can."

It's still not something that I can completely put into words, and probably not something he'll ever fully get, but we're working on it, and that's what matters.

"Stark? Thought about it. Dunno what kinda materials he'd be able to find, 'round here, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"Horses get horseshoes, so why can't we figure out a leg for him?" Danny points out. He's got his own crap to worry about, true, but he's a sucker for helping out a friend. At least, so long as it doesn't push him too far out of his own comfort zones. "So, I guess this is a kind of congratulations, huh?" Danny muses as he gets up to grab some water. "You want to arrange a double-date?" he jokes.

"Dude, horseshoes are little pieces of metal that get nailed to the bottom of their feet. That's not any better than what he's got now," I point out with a snort of laughter.

"Yeah, I'll invite you both over for dinner. Let's just fill the whole fuckin' house of with guys I've fucked." I give him a look.

Danny's always shouted or gotten mouthy when he doesn't really care. Hell, it's practically an exercise for him, but it's when he gets really pissed off and quiet that he's dangerous. Steve knows that by now and Rachel had it well in hand. The fact that Neil's boiling their friendship down to the basest level, to sex? Well, it's the first time Danny regrets what they did.

He pushes his chair back, ignoring the ungodly scraping sound as he crouches to blow out the flames of the stove, sliding a plate on top so it keeps its heat. "There's pie in the oven if you're hungry," he says, back to Neil as he keeps tidying up. It'll pass. Hell, he knows this'll pass, but he'd rather it pass without him saying something stupid.

I can't remember Danny ever getting mad at me. It's weird. I guess I've just been lucky. But I'm not prepared for it, and honestly, I've got no fuckin' clue what it is I've done. Still, there's no mistaking the cold chill that settles over the room.

"Danny, what the hell?"

He counts to about three, thinking about all the consequences he doesn't want to go through if he snaps. So he counts. It is his therapist's will from back home and he actually does it, so she ought to be proud of him. "Just," he says, exhausted from his tone, "just don't do that, okay? Don't. Don't reduce me to a one-night-stand. I'm your friend, okay? You, you are one of my better friends, not just 'that guy I screwed with his husband present'."

"What the hell are you talking about, man? I'm not reducing you to anything. I fucked you and I'm not gonna pretend like I didn't, but I fucking love you, okay? Don't be stupid," I say, stomach wrenching at how broken up he seems. I can tell he's barely keeping control of himself, and I don't really get it, which hurts more than I can really explain.

Edited 2012-04-11 22:31 (UTC)

He's not sure that he's heard Neil say it, before. Danny turns, admittedly confused, and he gives a slightly strangled exhalation. "You know I love you, too," he says, wanting that out there -- firm and honest. "Shit, Neil, I don't do sleeping around. I'm bad at it. Hell, most of the time, I'm bad at dating. I just cannot, cannot, think, not even for a second, of boiling our friendship to...to that, so, yeah, double-date, but I mean that genuinely, not 'all the guys you fucked under one roof'," he echoes. "But your friends, having dinner."

"Sleepin' around's easy for me, man. Dating's the hard part," I admit, picking at a loose thread at the knee of my pants.

"That's just me. I'm... I'm weird about sex, I guess. I mean, I've kind of always been that way. That doesn't mean it's like, all I think there is between us. It doesn't change the way I feel about you."

Danny finally turns, giving Neil a pained look. "Babe, I wish that I could say that I understood, but I need to know that you're not gonna make me into something less just because of one night. I really don't want to regret that night, babe, I liked it. I just don't want it to define me -- or us."

"I said it doesn't. It won't. The same for Dave, even though I know shit's probably gonna get awkward once he knows 'bout Tunny. I'm not gonna make you into something less. I'm fucking less, Danny. I'm fucked up and I do stupid shit without thinking. Please... Please don't regret it."

Please, don't hate me, I think, but I stop myself just short of saying it.

Danny's moved to shocked silence. "Neil..." he says, gaping and pushing himself away from the counter to cross the distance between them, yanking at Neil's collar in order to pull him into the tightest hug that he can manage. He doesn't even think about letting go. "How the hell are you any less?" he demands sharply. "Huh? Huh? You are not fucked up, don't say that, don't even think it!"

"Yes, I am," I say with a rough cough of laughter, dragged to my feet and pulled into a hug that practically squeezes the air out of my lungs.

"There's not a room in my house big enough to fit all the guys I've fucked, Danny. Most of 'em, I don't know their names."

"No, you're fucking not," he says sharply, refusing to let Neil think like that. "I swear to god, if you keep telling yourself this, you're never going to believe anything else. Also, you can name all the guys here, I bet," is what he says. "I bet that you can name them all and I bet that you've got different levels of fondness for all of 'em."

"God, you sound like Tom," I say, trying to shove my way out of the hug. "Yeah, I can name them all, here. And you're right, I do. But that doesn't change that there are things about me that're fucked up, and I can deny it all I want, but that doesn't make it any less true. And having you deny it, no matter how well meaning, only makes me feel worse, okay?"

Danny feels Neil trying to get away, so he does what he always does with Grace (and yeah, Steve) when they pull the same thing. He only hugs tighter. "Fuck you, I see a lot of value in you and, to me, that means you're not fucked up. You're raising two beautiful girls amazingly, you're smart, and you're gorgeous, and you've constantly got people who want to support you. If that's fucked up, I think half the world wants in on what you've got. Hell, I know I do."

"Oh, Jesus. I know all that. I'm not... takin' for granted all the shit I've got, okay? I'm not sayin' I'm fuckin' worthless, and if you don't let me go, man, I'm gonna knee you in the balls," I warn, trying to squirm my way out of his arms again.

Danny releases him, but not without his fair share of disappointment. "My hugs are incredible and you just want out of it," he says, scoffing. "Look, where's our compromise, here? You promise not to value me as just another guy in bed and I...what? I'm not sure what you want from me, Neil," he admits, a bit confused as he backs off.

"I don't want anything. Just don't freak out if I make a joke about all the guys I've fucked. It's not about you. Or anybody else here, okay?" I say, rolling my eyes and lifting one shoulder in an awkward shrug.

"Fuck. Look, I couldn't even talk to Dave about him being a virgin, 'cause I haven't technically been once since I was eight. I couldn't, like... put myself in his place, at all. He didn't even want to fuck me, at first, and I didn't get it, 'cause he's eighteen, and by the time I was eighteen..." I trail off with an awkward shrug, "I can't just answer questions about who my first kiss was or when my first fuck was or any of that shit, without it turning into some big fucking deal. So, there's no fuckin' compromise. Just... when I say I'm fucked up, that's what I mean."

Edited 2012-04-12 01:23 (UTC)

All the blood in Danny's veins runs ice-cold at that exact moment, which is not a coincidence, no, it is not, because Danny's pretty sure that he heard what he just heard, and suddenly Danny has not wanted to kill someone so much since he found out about Meka's murder and Kaleo's smug sonuvabitch face acting like it didn't matter. "Neil," he says, dead-calm. "If he turns up here, I'm gonna kill him."

"Yeah, you and about a dozen others," I sigh, sitting back down in my chair with a heavy sigh. "Or... a lot less, now, with how everybody keeps fuckin' disappearin'."

There are a lot fewer people here who know about all that shit, now. I'd kinda like to keep it that way.

Danny takes in a deep breath to get a hold of himself, regards Neil like he's seeing him for the first time, and realizes that he's being an asshole. "This so isn't what you came here to talk about, so let's go back to it, let's go back to that. Tunny and good things," he says, wanting to get the conversation there as quickly as possible. "You give him your class ring?"

Huffing out a laugh and ignoring the tightness in my throat, the prickle behind my eyes, I say, "I never had one."