haolehothead | (no subject)

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- game: tabula rasa

(no subject)

For all that Danny had complained about the possibility of Steve getting him shot, winding up stabbed by his not-so-daughter-like-daughter hadn't exactly been up there on the list of things he had expected. After all, that's insane, isn't it? It should be. And yet, here he is in the clinic with stitches up and down his sides to prevent his guts from spilling out and Esther is dead and Steve isn't under his roof and Danny doesn't know what to do right now except bitch more about the pain.

Because that? That is in his control. "Come on, who's got the power over the morphine here?" he shouts, voice a weak resemblance of what it could be. "I'm dying over here."

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The second I hear, I hop on the ATV and haul my ass to the clinic, heart lodged in the back of my throat. I burst through the doors, boots practically skidding on the concrete, and I'm hit with a wave of relief, finding him conscious and complaining.

"You're not dyin'," I say, aiming for laughter and falling pretty embarrassingly short of it.

"I might as well be," Danny complains sharply as he shifts his body (and endures the sharp pains that causes) in order to turn to face Neil. He lets out a slow groan, hand going to the stab wound. "Did you come to give me my last meal?"

"Shut up, I'm not your fuckin' nurse," I say, crossing over to the bed, my knuckles grazing his shoulder.

"What the fuck happened, man?"

"What the fuck happened? I'll tell you what happened," he murmurs, his voice shot to shit and hoarse as anything. He turns bloodshot eyes on Neil, breathing out raggedly. "I was so wrong about everything. I fucked up, Neil, I really fucked it all up. I should've trusted Steve and Rachel. I should've listened to you."

"Hey, relax," I say when he starts to breathe funny, like it's turning into a struggle for him.

"Where's Steve? Is he okay?"

"I don't know where Steve is," Danny says, closing his eyes. "I don't know. He didn't show up, I don't know if he's even still alive, but I figure if he's dead, someone would have to tell me about it."

"I can go find out, if you want me to," I offer, my thumb brushing the skin just above his collar. It's a soothing sort of motion, even though I'm not one hundred percent sure it's not just as much for me.

"No," Danny says, closing his eyes at the touch. "No. If Steve wants to be here, he'll be here," he says, swallowing back the lump in his throat at the notion that he might not come. "Besides, who needs a SEAL when I've got you?"

I'm not his husband, I want to point out, but the way things are between them, I decide to keep my mouth shut.

"You couldn't have known, you know," I murmur, "You thought you were doin' the right thing by her."

"There were warning bells everywhere and all I wanted to do was take care of her," Danny says, and that's what pains him the most. In his oblivious nature, he'd let Esther hurt the people that he loved. "Neil, shit, I don't know how to pick up the pieces from this."

"I don't know," I admit quietly, 'cause it's not something I can wrap my head around, even though I know the lengths I'd go to take care of my own children. I know that I'd do anything to protect them. And I know how much he misses his own daughter, how much he wants to get that part of his life back.

It's hard to blame him for grasping for a replacement, even if it wasn't a good one.

I push a hand gently through his hair, not really knowing what else to do but just... be here.

Danny can't help the fact that he leans into the touch. As much as he still feels skittish at the thought of anyone touching him (since Esther had and had implied that she was going to replace Steve), but Neil's touch is familiar and he's always loved his hair as the point of contact. "I fucked up. I fucked up so badly."

"It's gonna be okay," I murmur, even though I can't promise that. I've got no way of knowing. It's hard for me to be hopeful, but I still don't feel like it's a lie.

"Danny, you got fucked over. Sounds to me like she was pretty fuckin' good at it."

"Yeah, well, the minute she started wanting to actually fuck me was a pretty good eye-opener," he says wryly, exhaling and shifting so that he can give Neil about half of the bed. So sue him, he's selfish and he wants a little physical attention.

"Jesus," I say with a snort of laughter. It's not really funny, but it's one of those things that's so fucked up, it's kind of hard not to laugh. Absurd, but at the same time, with the past I've got, it almost would've made more since if she'd been a twelve year old who wanted to fuck him.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to him, I hesitate for a moment, then stretch out beside him, 'cause that's what he seems to want.

"Can't really blame the crazy fuckin' bitch, but she should've rethought her tactics, you know?"

"Yeah, guess I'm that irresistible," Danny says derisively, scoffing as he shoots Neil a dubious look. "Jesus," he hisses, shaking his head. "I don't even know. I don't know what I'd have done if she'd been found by the IPD. She's persona non grata in dino territory right now, it's fucking insane."

"Are they still looking?" I ask, wondering what they'd even do with somebody that fucking batshit crazy.

I'm not on the council anymore, so I guess it's not my problem.

"Yeah. Yeah, I hope so," Danny says, his voice hoarse. He's not sure he wants to hear about inconclusive searches, but communication goes both ways -- good and bad. "And if they don't find him, then I might as well just curl up and live with that permanent guilt, shouldn't I?"

"They'll find 'im, Danny," I say, even though I can't fucking know that. People just vanish off the face of the fucking earth every single day, around here.

"You oughta get some sleep, you know."

"Can't really say that sleep is on the table," Danny admits, because he thinks that if he goes to sleep, he's going to get plagued by nightmares and that's just not what he wants. "Hey," he murmurs. "You gonna stay with me?"

"Yeah, 'course I'll stay. The girls are with Tunny, I got some time," I say, glad I had time to talk to the three of them before I ran out here. I'll need to go home, eventually, but for now, I'm all his.

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