haolehothead | (no subject)

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- game: tabula rasa

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After the morning he's had, Danny's not exactly looking to go out into the world very soon. He's put on a pair of Steve's Navy sweats (with the word so helpfully plastered across his ass) and has been ambling around the house with just a tank top. He's waiting to head out to the diamond and give some baseball lessons, but that's still hours away.

For now, he's just trying to keep Zulu in his sights, Steve in the other room, and his mouth closed. It's not that he's said anything too incriminating (except, god, the thing about liking to be picked up), but he doesn't want to push his luck. He's cleaning up the main room and crouching down to pat Zulu every once in a while, checking the books they've managed to accumulate. Anything he doesn't want goes on the porch for the next haul back.

He's in the midst of bringing another five or six out when he sees Rachel. "Hey," he greets, lifting a hand to wave at her. "Where're you going?"

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"Yeah, we probably would," Danny agrees, because that much he doesn't need to be a genius to know. "I mean, you're hot, I'm hot, we've got a bond. Plus, you're named Rachel so it's like my past is already trying to hook up with you, but I'm practically married and you're taken, so it's a no-go."

There's the subject he doesn't want to talk about and he hopes the slight wince goes unnoticed.

"Okay," she says, pushing up to her elbows to look him in the eye. "What's something you wouldn't tell me if you weren't juiced up?"

Because seriously, he's such an open book it's hard to tell.

Danny turns so he can bury his face in the pillow. It helps because when he talks, his words are so muffled, no one can hear them. "I really want to marry Steve in a big thing."

All she catches is something about marriage. She quickly clambers on top of him, tugging on his shoulder.

"What was that, Danny? Didn't quite catch it. What about marriage?"

Danny groans and lets her pry him off the bed, giving her a pathetic look. "I want to marry Steve and I want it to be a big thing. I want the bachelor party and I want the big cake and some dancing, but the Catholic in me is too goddamn ashamed to actually ask for it. Because I don't wanna be that guy. I don't want to force people to stare at that. And I want my family here to see me do this."

"Aw, hey," she says, softening up when she sees he's actually sort of upset. "That's okay. I mean it's funny and I want to call you a girl but there's nothing wrong with wanting to make a big deal out of it. It is a big deal. And I'd totally throw you a party. It's not forcing, Danny. People would be happy for you."

"Rachel," he gets out, pained. "You're the only adult that knows about me and Steve. No one else would even be there to turn up and it's not like either of us has that many friends."

"Yes you do," she scoffs. "Okay, I'd be there. Raylan would be there because he likes you guys. Clark would be there. Brooke would come, especially if you make her pizza. The rest of the fucking baseball team would probably also come, you big freak. Especially if you'd hold Steve's hand once and a while."

"What's me holding Steve's hand got to do with any of this?" Danny asks incredulously, giving Rachel a dubious look. "Look, I just, I don't like talking about it, okay? I just don't like...I don't wanna be that gay guy from Jersey!" he shouts.

"Because they'd at least know you're dating before they get a wedding invitation!" she flails, sitting back up and smacking his arm. "And you're not that gay guy from Jersey, Danny. That's not how it works here. No one cares. And I'm pretty sure it's too late seeing how you like it when your fiance begs for the ass sex!"

"Jesus, we're not getting married tomorrow or even next month or even three months from now," Danny hisses out the words, glaring at her like someone's gonna hear (and someone will, because it's Steve). "As fast as we moved this thing, I wanna make good and sure that Steve really wants to get married to me which means more time together. And yeah, I like it, so? I'm bisexual with a healthy appetite for sex and I just so happened to fall for a man this time."

"Danny, you realize that you are the only one who has a problem with you liking guys, right?" she asks, wondering briefly if dealing with her nonsensical shit is this frustrating.

"There's being private and being freaked out that people are going to think shit about you."

"Yes, I realize I'm being a big self-loathing idiot, okay," he huffs out, tipping his head to the side to stare at the wall, brushing his fingers against it momentarily before he splays them against the bedspread. "So sue me that I'm freaked about what people are gonna say behind our backs. Again, it's...look, I don't want Steve to freak because the first time he's with a guy, suddenly everyone makes his life hell. Okay? I don't want him to leave me because people hate us."

"No one's going to say anything," she insists. "This place is mostly gay. And Steve isn't going to leave you over pretty much anything. He's a big boy. He knows what he's doing."

"He was in the Navy and the SEALs," Danny growls, sitting up because now he's all pent-up and he wants to pace and shout and do everything he can to get over this. "Are you kidding me? Seriously, what if he's just looking for someone to look at us the wrong way?"

"Are you serious?" she boggles, wondering if Danny has other voices in his head who tell him this shit. "Have you told him any of this?"

"No," Danny sighs. "No, because I can hear myself and how crazy I sound. No, I don't even dare tell him this shit."

"Well maybe you should," she suggests. "Seriously, because maybe it would take him telling you that he doesn't feel that way to make you believe me. The guy's happy. He's not waiting for an opportunity to break up with you."

"No, I know...I know he's not lying in wait to break up with me, but how the hell could I sit by and watch him be miserable when I love him?" he asks, simple as that. "If he stayed with me, but the situation made him hurt or angry or...or, sad," he scoffs.

"Not being with you would probably make him more hurt, angry and sad," she points out. "That's the deal, right? He got a tattoo because he wants the forever thing. I am sure he's thought about the bad parts along with the good. You're worth it."

"He got a tattoo because he's an idiot," Danny huffs out with an amused laugh and a stupidly fond smile as he collapses back against the bed and props his head up with his arms. "I'll think about it. The whole talking about this, the coming out. I'll think about it."

She huffs out a laugh of her own and flops down next to him, curling back into her spot. "We are so high maintenance. How do they put up with us?"

"Well, I give great head," Danny says smugly. "Actually, my mouth in general has probably diffused more fights than I've caused, so it's earning its keep," he says with a big grin.

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